“Please don’t settle for something you know isn’t God’s plan for you just because you’re tired of waiting.”
I posted those exact words on my Tumblr page almost a year and a half ago. I never imagined it would resonate with so many people. I was in a situation that I knew probably wasn’t good for me, but I kept going back to because I just didn’t truly know my worth. Then one night, I just knew if I kept going in the direction I was headed, I would be settling for something that just wasn’t for me. So I posted those words as a reminder for myself but ended up getting thousands of people saying how those words were helping them and encouraging them in ways I never imagined. I’ve seen those same words copied and pasted on people’s twitter and instagram accounts and I always have to stop and take a minute.
I moved out of that situation I was in, but I ended up right back in it a year later. And every time I saw those words, whether on my own account or just scrolling through Pinterest, I would stop and read it over and over and over. And not to toot my own horn or anything, but they would knock the breath right out of me. My own words. And I would feel so. much. guilt. Because I was giving the advice, but I surely wasn’t taking it. I was skipping the worship songs, avoiding the prayer requests, leaving my Bible on the shelf in my closet. I hoped if I didn’t acknowledge it, I wouldn’t have to feel so. much. guilt. But it always came. That sick feeling in the pit of my stomach where I knew it wasn’t okay. And I would promise to do better, to walk away from what I knew was wrong just to end up right back where I started.
It wasn’t until a few weeks ago I was crying into my best friend’s lap (literally) after one too many Smirnoffs and asking why I wasn’t good enough for the guy I had been hung up on for the past almost two years. It was in that moment that I knew nothing would change if I wasn’t willing to change. I knew it was gonna be one of the most difficult things I’ve had to do which is probably why I hadn’t done it sooner. And letting go of that particular situation meant letting go of someone who meant so much to me. It meant that the friendship was over because there’s no way it could stay. It sucks when you can’t give someone what they want, but it sucks even more when you realize you’ll never be enough for someone who doesn’t see theirs or your worth. I wasn’t the problem. And I needed to fully see that to fully let go.
I’m not gonna lie, I keep checking my phone hoping he’ll call or text. I keep hoping he’ll just show up and I’ll be enough for him, but I know now I can’t make someone else love me back.
Waiting is hard. And can be downright painful. It can seem like it’s never ending and it’s overwhelming at times. But I hope you know the wait is worth it. I haven’t gotten to experience the love that comes when the waiting is done, but I know it will be worth it. And I hope you know you’re worthy of the purest of loves, but in order to be ready for that, you have to accept the love you’re already being given by the One who created you. He created you to KNOW you. And He can’t fully know you if you’re too busy searching for love in all the wrong places. So please, please, do not settle.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11 NLT)