There she is again, laying there in the dark fighting her greatest foe, the memory of him. Every night seems like another battlefield that she once again must conquer. A deep dark sea full of unanswered questions, full of what ifs and unwanted memories.
Every night is different some nights she feels strong enough to fight with her own thoughts and decides that she would just sleep it off. Some nights she would feed into her weakness and decide to pick up the phone and dial his number just to hear the hint of his voice. But halfway through she tells herself this is a bad idea and then again, she would sleep it off. Most of the night she remembers every memory of you then she would pour her heart and eyes out to the moon and the stars until she falls asleep.
She fights these nights alone. She relives that September night when you held her in your arms as you whispered in her ears the three words she’s been longing to hear for so long. However, you still decided to tell her that you are leaving, and it was time for her to let you go. She wanted to fight. She wanted to fight for the love that you guys had once. She wanted to stay until you were ready to try again. She wanted to be there with for you. She didn’t want to let go.
It’s been a year, she wakes up every day doing the same exact routine that she’s been doing for the last. She’s been busy trying to get you off her mind. But then again, the memory of you sparks up when she least expects it. It’s unfair because she wants to forget about you even though she loves you more than she could ever love herself. In the morning she would wear her greatest smile to hide all the tears she poured out the night before.
She said that she is happy that you had found love once again. But every night she wishes that she’s the one you’re with. Every night she wishes that you’d call her and asked her how she’s been all this time. She misses you terribly and she knows that you don’t but at the end of the day she wishes you well and she hopes that one day she can forgive herself for losing you.
She’s strong and she knows that she can get through this. She knows that she can live her life without you because she already did that before she met you.
One day, she’ll be able to laugh and smile without even thinking if you are happy with your life. One day, she’ll find love when she least expects it. One day, when she finally won all of the battles she fights every single night. She won’t think of you anymore. The memory of you won’t cause her pain anymore.
She’s fighting all these battles because one day she wants to live her life without thinking about you.
She’s fighting all these battles so that she can love herself more because you took all her love away and gave it all away.
One day she’ll find someone else and when that happens, I hope that this will make you realize that you lost something so precious and you won’t have the chance to take it back.