What seemed to be such a messy and heartbreaking event in my life created the grateful heart that I have today. Whenever I look back on what happened to us, I feel humbled. You have been a learning experience. A good one. And I will always carry in my heart everything you taught me in ways I didn’t even see coming. You taught me how to be reserved. You taught me how to be patient. You taught me how to actually understand. I will forever be humbled by this experience. By the things you made me feel. By the things you taught me. By the things you made me see.
You taught me that not all relationships have to be romantic. That there are lines that aren’t meant for crossing, and there are risks that aren’t meant for taking. Sometimes you just have to be happy with how things are, without putting pressure on anyone. One of my mentors told me, “Friendship is the best foundation of a relationship but it can also be one big cause of uncertainty.” And even if we weren’t both sure about what we were doing, I was sure of one thing — of what I felt. Of what I still feel up to this day. I feel it in my heart, it keeps me going, it makes me feel alive. And I can only thank you enough for letting me feel IT again.
I thank you for the genuine friendship. For the times you argued with me because you were not happy or you weren’t supportive of some of my choices in life. I now see where your harsh statements came from. They were only stated by you because ever since, you’ve always just wanted to keep me away from harm. I thank you for all the times you just let me be myself around you— without judging. That version of me who wears no makeup with untidy hair, the girl who laughs at the silliest things, the girl who always shares if not every thing, then most things to you, with no filter. I was always my most self whenever with you. Most of my most genuine laughs were because of you. You make me so happy. I thank you for all the times you were there for me, whether I was having a shitty day or just needed someone to talk to. Thank you for being my almost person even if I didn’t qualify to be yours.
I thank you for being rational when I wasn’t. I thank you for not jumping into things you were not sure of. Although you weren’t always honest, you were always genuine. I know you were. With everything that you do, and with all the good intentions that you carry with you. I will always be amazed by how you think and who you are as a person.
I used to loathe the circumstances because you didn’t want to let me in, or at least you never gave us a chance. But I realized I was disrespecting you. I was disrespecting your space. There was no need to build pressure on you, on me, on us—whatever we were at that time. That was selfish of me.
I wanted words while you showed me actions. You showed so much more without having to reveal a lot. You taught me that there are things that go without saying. That you just have to feel it in your heart. It’s there. You know that it’s there.
Thank you for teaching me that sometimes you just have to let things be and unfold naturally.
I kept on asking the wrong questions too early. Now I understand that some things only get clearer in time. You may have been wrong but you were only being selfless. I may have wanted to fight for it so bad, but I was being selfish. You were being logical and I wasn’t. Thank you for being afraid enough to have thought about it first. Whether you weren’t ready, or didn’t want me enough to be with me, you knew what you were doing. And I thank you so much for it.
I wish everyone could see how GREAT of a person you really are. I hope you could also see that. I hope you not only realize that you deserve the same happiness you give the people around you, but I also hope you do something about it. I hope you walk your way towards it. Don’t run away from it. There’s nothing else that I want more than for you to be genuinely, truly happy.
I used to tell others that anyone would be so lucky to be with you. I have a better way of saying it now. Those who are around you and who know you personally are lucky. I know for sure because I also am. I still am lucky.
No goodbyes. Just hellos. My heart is full. Thank you.