The Ugly Truth About Being ‘Too Nice’

I never say no. Whether it’s an imposing favor or an insistent invitation, I couldn’t say it. Not that I don’t want to. It’s just that I don’t know how to without feeling like I’ve let them down. I never speak up for myself. Not because I’m scared, but because I don’t want people to feel like they have to be scared...

This Is What ‘Self-Care’ REALLY Means, Because It’s Not All Salt Baths And Chocolate Cake

Self-care is often a very unbeautiful thing. It is making a spreadsheet of your debt and enforcing a morning routine and cooking yourself healthy meals and no longer just running from your problems and calling the distraction a solution. It is often doing the ugliest thing that you have to do, like sweat through another workout or tell a toxic friend...

Lessons You Won’t Learn In School

This living business can get tricky. We may sit atop the evolutionary scale, yet the word human is often used as a synonym for mortal, fallible, faulty. It may be that we are most faulty by too often getting in our own way. We need to act on the world as it is, but we filter experience through our...

The Psychology of Arrogance

Raise your hand if you like arrogant people. Just as I figured — no hands! Hey, I’m with you: I have worked with a lot of people, and over the years, I have come to truly believe that there is at least a splash of good in each and every person, and that we all have a ticket on the same...

12 Steps to Being Less Miserable

Are you waiting until your life is problem-free to be happy? If so, you could be waiting for a long time — like forever. It’s common for all of us to tell ourselves during times of stress, “When I finally have ___ (fill in the blank), or when ___ (fill in the blank) is over, then I can be happy.”...

5 Ways to Stop Being the Good Girl and Start Being Strong

I was raised to be an educated, polite, and respectful girl. You might have been, too. I was taught to think of others and their well-being. I consciously made an effort to treat others how I wanted to be treated. In short, I was always trying to be a good girl. I naively thought this was the way everybody was...

How Dogs Drive Emotional Well-being

"A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself." –Josh Billings It is said that dogs are a (wo)man’s best friend. The logic behind this sentiment is obvious to most dog owners: They are loyal, devoted, loving, dependable, and typically cuddly. Who wouldn’t want a best friend with those qualities? But according to research...

Inside the Mind of a Narcissist

We often hear the term “narcissist,” but in reality, what does that mean? Does it merely describe someone who likes to be the center of attention, or likes the way he or she looks? Or is there more to it? The psychiatric literature defines narcissists as possessing specific traits, such as having a sense of entitlement or requiring excessive...

The Problem With Yelling

“The problem with verbal abuse is there is no evidence,” Marta shared. She had come for help with a long-standing depression. “What do you mean lack of evidence?” I asked her. “When people are physically or sexually abused, it’s concrete and real. But verbal abuse is amorphous. I feel like if I told someone I was verbally abused, they’d think I...

15 Signs You’re an Introvert With High-Functioning Anxiety

Anxiety is the voice in the back of your head that says, “Something bad is going to happen.” It’s what keeps you awake at 2 a.m. thinking about something embarrassing you did five years ago. Not all introverts have anxiety, and extroverts and ambiverts (link is external) can struggle with it, too. To be clear, introversion and anxiety aren’t the...

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