Thank you for being a part of my life. A huge, beautiful, happy yet painful part of my life. We met when I needed a distraction the most. Someone who makes me forget everything, especially my problems that later turned out to be my priorities. Someone who wraps me in heaven for a little while. Someone who makes me feel that maybe I’m not crazy, that maybe love is real, that maybe I could be happy even for a second.
Letting you go is probably the hardest decision I have ever made. It’s a daily struggle. It’s the morning texts I type but never send, it’s the phone calls I almost make when I am missing you at night, it’s the places I don’t go to anymore because they remind me of you, it’s the pictures I delete multiple times. It’s the times I sit in my bedroom and just wonder if I made the right thing. It’s the thoughts I can’t ignore, the fears I can’t silence and the questions I’ll never have answers for. It’s having something precious get taken away from you because it never belonged to you in the first place. It’s feeling so much pain that you think you can’t survive it.
Truth is, I never thought this day would come because I was too in love with you to face the music. I didn’t want to believe that our story that hasn’t started yet was coming to an end. I didn’t want to accept that you aren’t going to be my last. I didn’t want to see that you and I aren’t right for each other. I thought that maybe with time, things will get better. That maybe you’ll love me just as much as I love you. That maybe you’ll let your guards down. That maybe you would choose me.
With every moment that passes me by, I know that it’s time to let go. So, I am saying goodbye to building a life together. I’m saying goodbye to making a home out of our love. I’m saying goodbye to my fantasies and my wishes when it comes to you. I’m saying goodbye to going through some crazy experience that will only bring us closer. I’m saying goodbye to growing old together and learning from each other. I’m saying goodbye to the long walks by the beach and to the sleepless dancing nights. I’m saying goodbye to seeing you at your best because I only knew you at your worst. I’m saying goodbye to the things I love the most about you, just like I’m saying goodbye to the things that hurt me the most. I’m stepping out of the moment I fell in love with you, and stepping into the moment when a whole chapter of my life begins without you in it.
Don’t ever think that I never loved you because I really did. I’m sorry if I didn’t love you in the way you needed to be loved, or that I didn’t see you like you see yourself. Forgive me for letting you go. And always know that I did the best I could. But, even the strongest hands get tired, even the bravest hearts get scared. I hope you find what you are looking for. I hope you find your good place. And I hope you find your happy ending just like I know I will.